Friend group refuses to tell 25-year-old woman she's being cheated on for a year, flip out when she doesn't want to speak to them anymore: 'They let me be blindsided'

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Ally Perry • Writer and Editor
Feb 27, 2025 6:00 PM EST

Cheating in a romantic relationship is one of those things that many naively believe will never happen to them, but is common enough for a large proportion of people to experience at some point. There are a lot of dimensions to a serious partner being unfaithful, and that can be difficult. One of these is processing the obvious breach of trust, as well as considering whether there is a future in the relationship. 

Further than that, though, there is also the difficulty of understanding how the infidelity fits into your wider social circle. Cheating is the kind of thing that those it happens to struggle with not just because of what their partner done, but also how their friends have reacted to it. If you share a lot of social contacts this can be even more difficult, especially if they act in a way that doesn't feel like it is in your best interests.

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    Cheezburger Image 10472986112
    via Getty Images (Unsplash+)

    The image does not depict the actual subjects of the story. Subjects are models.

  • One woman had the misfortune of finding out about these difficulties recently when she had it revealed to her that her boyfriend of four years had been cheating on her for a significant amount of time. The woman who he had been cheating with was the one who told her, and she soon found out that their mutual friends had been aware of the other relationship and hadn't said anything to her. This made her want to cut contact with them as well as her boyfriend, but their protests made her wonder if she was doing something wrong.

  • 02
    I (25F) just got out of a four-year relationship after finding out my boyfriend had been cheating on me for months. The worst part? Almost all of my closest friends knew—and no one told me. We've all been part of the same friend group since college, hanging out every weekend, taking trips together, and supporting each other through everything. Or so I thought.
    via BloomSera
  • 03
    A few weeks ago, I got a message from a girl I didn't know. She told me she had been seeing my boyfriend and just found out he was in a relationship. At first, I thought she was lying or mistaken, but she sent screenshots texts, photos, even a video of them together. I felt like my whole world shattered. When I confronted my boyfriend, he admitted everything. He had been cheating for nearly a year, and my friends knew. They saw him flirting at parties, caught him sneaking off with her, and even
    via BloomSera
  • 04
    I was devastated. These were the people I trusted the most, and they let me be blindsided. I cut off my ex immediately, but my friends? That's been harder. Some have apologized, saying they feel awful, while others are acting like I'm overreacting. They keep inviting me to things, expecting everything to go back to normal, but I can't look at them the same way. Now, they're saying I'm being unfair by holding this against them, that I shouldn't "throw away years of friendship" over this. They kne
    via BloomSera
  • 05

    Commenters were completely on her side.

    Mental_Winter_3152 Are you sure they're your friends? Because they wouldn't be mine...
    via Mental_Winter_3152
  • 06
    AssistanceOk3669 Right! OP that's not what friends do, they picked sides when they found out he was cheating and it wasn't yours. You'll find a real group of friends because whoever they are, aren't it. They all knew. Every last one of them. 365 days maybe a little less. They kept his secret. Hurting you in the process. That's not friendship. Ofc NTA
    via AssistanceOk3669
  • 07
    Intelligent-Log-7363 "they didn't want to get involved" they got involved when they hid his secret from you for a YEAR. I can't even imagine the betrayal you feel. You pretty much lost the boyfriend and the people you considered your closest friends in one swoop. People I'm assuming you would have otherwise turned to for support in this time. NTA.
    via Intelligent-Log-7363
  • 08
    madgirlv6 Just to add, for a year, they put you at extra risk of having being given something from a cheater. Lose the lot, they didn't care about you or your health the moment they knew and didn't say anything.
    via madgirlv6
  • 09
    ichundmeinHolz_ Absolutely right... Those are not your friends. Not one of them. Even those who apologized only did it after you confronted them. Tell them they are awful people and you need friends and not some spineless who can't tell right from wrong. Cut them out of your life.
    via ichundmeinHolz_
  • 10
    Necessary_Tap343 Yep, they are definitely his friends because they valued his friendship more than they valued hers. OP this "friend" group is now a toxic mess, and every person, including those who have apologized, needs to be cut out of your life for your own mental well-being. I bet if you ask them if they would pred if the roles were reversed, I guarantee every single one of them would say they would never forgive you. If they didn't say that, they would be lying. I would tell them all that
    via Necessary_Tap343
  • 11
    Conscious_Owl6162 They were not even his friends, given that they saw him lying and cheating and never voiced their disapproval to him. Maybe he would have stopped if they had. He was an AH and so were all of his friends. OP is lucky to be rid of them.
    via Conscious_Owl6162
  • 12
    Logical_Challenge540 NTA. They did automatically "throw out years of friendship" as soon as they decided to stay silent. Because true friends would never do this. So, it leads to conclusion that they were acquaintances at most.
    via Logical_Challenge540
  • 13
    pourthebubbly Yep. They're his friends
    via pourthebubbly
  • 14
    BoxBeast1961_ They're not your friends. They threw you away with their betrayal.
    via BoxBeast1961_
  • 15
    TapSoft7074 Ironic isn't it? How a complete stranger turned out to be friendlier than your own friends? It takes courage to tell the truth after you find out you're the mistress without knowing it, if I were you I would have thanked that girl..... On the other hand I wouldn't forgive those who call themselves your "friends" either, a real friend doesn't hide something that important.
    via TapSoft7074
  • 16
    BusyLecture5733 These people aren't your friends, please cut them off. So sorry you're going through all this betrayal at once, sending you so much love!
    via BusyLecture5733
  • 17
    SnoopyisCute Nope. My former in-laws introduced then-spouse to affair partner and my family helped then-estranged-spouse kidnap our children to get them out of state, destroy my property and leave me homeless. All of them follow each other but I didn't use social media so EVERYBODY knew and none of them warned me. I will never forgive my family and I agree you should not forgive your so-called "friends".
    via SnoopyisCute
  • 18
    Dance Dense NTA Wow how would they feel if the shoe was on the other foot? Over reacting? I don't think so in the least. Unfortunately for you they choose sides and it wasn't yours it was the cheating ex's side. I'm sorry that you are having to go thru this bull Alone.
    via DanceDense
  • 19
    StateLarge Real friends tell you the truth! In this situation they chose your boyfriend over you. You didn't do anything wrong you keep your head high and block them. I promise you will find better friends.
    via StateLarge
  • 20
    Ambitious-Border-906 They have the cheek to say you're throwing away years of friendship by overreacting?! No no and absolutely no! They threw that friendship away when they colluded with your ex's infidelity! You are most definitely NTA! They however are!!!
    via Ambitious-Border-906
  • 21
    writierthanyou They need you to get over it so they can pretend they didn't allow you to be disrespected for a year. This isn't them having suspicions but no proof. It was in their face, and they said nothing. By doing so, they showed you who they are, and it's definitely not a friend to you. Walk away.
    via writierthanyou
  • 22
    Efficient_Newt_5413 NTA, not even a little bit. While to an extent, I could have maybe empathized if they'd been hesitant or scared you wouldn't believe them when they initially saw warning signs (some people put on blinders in relationships and/or blame the messenger after all) but for a full year they were seeing the evidence stack up, knew everyone else was in agreement of what they were seeing, and no one thought "Hey, maybe we should step up and protect our friend." At a certain point, they
    via Efficient_Newt_5413
  • 23
    Benjamins412 What were your friends going to tell you? They didn't KNOW anything for sure. Your first response to the girl who was actually boy was "prove it." Your friends didn't have screenshots, videos, etc. Typically, bf will gaslight you and punch friend. Friend loses both of you, and you are still being cheated on. I keep my nose out of people's lovelives.
    via Benjamins412
  • 24
    2ndBestAtEverything NTA Do you really want to be friends with that bunch of cowards? This revelation has given you the opportunity to clean house of the people in your life. I suggest you take it.
    via 2ndBestAtEverything

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